Chicken Fried Motherboard

This week I learned the fate of my beloved laptop and it wasn’t good, may she rest in peace. Some critical files were saved, but many things are now forever lost. I wasn’t an avid backer upper and I’ve accepted the fate of my non-techno savvy ways. I make a public vow to back up every single thing, every single week, for the rest of my days. That’s all I can do. Let go - let God - move forward. I’m now in a timeshare with my husband’s laptop so I can to keep my blog going as I scour the market for a new computer, of which I clearly know little about. Is this why I feel out of sorts, out of touch, and just not like myself this week?

I miss my familiar screen saver and meticulously organized desktop icons that had my world organized in neat little folders. I don’t feel connected to myself and feel lost. Maybe I was too dependent on my computer. Maybe being disconnected this week is the perfect time to reconnect with myself. Maybe now is a good time to figure out how you actually go about doing such a thing. Maybe I better pray about this since I have limited Google access time to consult on the topic. Maybe this is a good thing.

Laptop, or no laptop, it’s easier than ever to get lost in the day-to-day activities and stresses of the external world. Our focus is almost always on anyone but ourselves. We’re caught in a game of stress and frustration trying to be all things to all people. We get caught in the cycle of trying to please our family, kids, friends, and boss, but we forget about ourselves. The rhythm of our habits and patterns keeps us safely nestled in a familiar comfort zone. That’s why we have to try something different to break these patterns and develop an enhanced deepened connection with our true self. A disconnected life is not a life well lived.

Reconnecting with the real you is not just something you “should” do, it’s something you “must” do. It gives you a chance to understand what really drives you. When you know this, the more you can show up for others, impact the world around you, and stay committed to your health goals. How do we do this? Where do we begin? These are great questions. I believe reconnecting with ourselves actually starts with questions, lots of questions, and the right type of questions. The difference in the quality of people’s lives often comes down to the difference in the questions they ask themselves.

“Why does this always happen to me?” is not an empowering question. Often the internal subconscious answer is, “because you are not good enough.” “How could I have lost all of those files on my computer? Why didn’t I back up my data?” This question was answered by my own inner critic with, “how could you have been so stupid?” The path to re-connection begins with asking empowering questions instead. “How can I use this experience to appreciate myself more?” The answer to this question will lead you down a much different path to love, and closer to a connection with the real you.

Quality questions create a quality life. The right questions can direct our mental focus and help us figure out how we think and what we feel. The right questions can empower our real nature and help us truly connect with who we are. Kaitlyn Bouchillen said, “The first step to receiving an answer is being brave enough to ask a question.” This includes the questions we ask ourselves. This week, in my fried motherboard apocalyptic spare time, I asked myself these questions each day in an attempt to reconnect with the inner me. The daily exercise is to come up with a different answer each time.

What am I most happy about in my life now?
What am I most grateful about in my life now?
What am I enjoying most in my life right now?
What am I committed to in my life right now?
What am I most proud about in my life now?
What am I most excited about in my life now?
Who do I love?

We often hear people, who are on a journey of self-discovery, say they want to “find themselves.” They will say they want to find significance in their life, their place in the world, their purpose, and to feel fulfilled. It’s interesting to look at scripture to see that often things operate in the opposite direction of our intuitive way of thinking. The Bible contains scripture that says you have to give in order to receive, bless those who curse you, and if you want to find your life, you first have to lose it. Luke 9:24 says, “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.” I find a sense of peace in this knowing that when you feel like you are falling apart, you’re actually falling together. Alice Nicholls said, “It is only when we can look inside and learn to love deeply that which resembles uncut gravel within ourselves that we will be blessed to find it filled with diamonds.”

I no longer feel anger, frustration, stress, or anxiety about the passing of my beloved electronic device and lost files. This week was actually a blessing, allowing me to take a step back and examine my heart. The process of losing, what I thought was important, allowed me to find something that is truly much more important. The last day of doing the daily writing exercise of quality questions sums it up perfectly. I gave different answers to the questions each day. This is what appeared on my paper on the last day to the last question. “Who do I love? Me…”

Results for the week: - 0.6 lbs lost; Total Lost: 41.0
D.O.W. = 419 (Days on the Wagon = Days of food sobriety - no sugar pig-outs!)
Starting weight:  182.0; Current weight: 141.0