Playing Small
Recently I was watching
“The Voice”, a singing competition TV show that I currently enjoy. A beautiful young singer, Kyla Jade, was on
and they showed her back story. She’s sung background for many famous singers,
including Jennifer Hudson. Her
performance was incredible yet she was having a hard time accepting the
compliments from the judges. She broke
into tears when one of them said that they can tell she’s used to hiding in the
background. She admitted she’s played
small a lot in her life, always taking the back seat. Often, when we would meet new people, I would
play down what I did for a living at whatever company I was at. It never seemed important to me. Dan would call me out on it and ask why I
play small in what I do for a living. I
really don’t know why. This week I
realize that we often do that in life.
Why do we sometimes play small?
Is it our self-image.
Upon exploring the topic
of self-image, I came across a disturbing statistic. I heard this before, but perhaps it caught my
eye now since I’m so close to my goal weight.
A study at Stanford University concluded that only 5% of people who lose
weight keep it off. Gary Foster, Ph.D.,
clinical director of the Weight and Eating Disorders Program at the University
of Pennsylvania, reports that nearly 65% of dieters return to their pre-diet
weight within three years and often gain more from where they started. Clearly, I’m extremely troubled by these
numbers for I am part of this statistic.
I believe it’s true for that’s exactly what happened to me. I lost and gained before - many many times. How do I become an exception to the statistic
this time? Dear God, I pray, show me the
way!
This week I set my
intention to study the topic of self-image.
How do we really improve it? I often watch YouTube videos to help pass
the time while doing cardio in the gym.
There’s a wide variety of videos that appear in my feed which seem based
on what I search for and watch. Most
days I’ll see videos from inspirational Ted talks to motivational Tony Robbins’
stuff. There’s never a shortage of
numerous tutorials on makeup, hair, and fashion trends. (Don’t judge, cardio
can be boring.) But this particular day,
the very same day I pray to God to show me the way, a video appears at the top
of my feed that catches my eye. It
appears right above “How to create the perfect smoky eye.” I didn’t even search for anything on this day,
and there it is, a video from Bob Proctor on “Self-image.” Clearly this is not a coincidence, I must
watch!
You can imagine my
surprise when, on this exact video, Bob Procter says that if an overweight
person loses weight, without altering their self-image, any weight loss will be
temporary. He explains that this is why
so many people who lose weight gain it all back. That’s all I need to hear. I’m hooked!
I’m locked and loaded in watching this video and searching all I can on
this subject. Bob says it’s all about
cybernetics and paradigms. My response
is, “What? Cyber-what?” I normally would’ve hit the skip button to the
next video because it seemed to be getting too technical, but I hang in there. I have to.
Answers to prayers are involved here!
Cybernetics is the
science of control with communication in people and machines. The best example of cybernetics is the autopilot
system on an airplane. The autopilot is
a cybernetic instrument. The controls
and communications automatically control the plane to a set destination. If the plane hits turbulence, and veers off
course, the cybernetics will course correct to get the plane back on track, headed
for the set destination. The same thing happens with people and with our minds.
Self-image is how we see
ourselves. Our self-image is located in
our subconscious mind and acts like a cybernetic instrument. If a young student has it in their
subconscious self-image that they are a failing student, they may get a good
grade if they study hard and work with a tutor.
But if they don’t change the self-image in their subconscious, they’ll automatically
course correct and go back to receiving failing grades. If our self-image says, “I’m an overweight
person,” then if you lose weight without altering your self-image, any weight
loss will be temporary. The self image,
being a cybernetic instrument, measures the deviation from the set goal and
immediately corrects course. Your
autopilot mechanism will find the lost weight.
We’re automatically programmed to gain it back if the self-image is saying
we’re over weight.
This is all fine and
dandy. It actually makes perfect sense
but that’s when the panic sets in. How
do I actually know what’s in my subconscious?
How do I really change the self-image in the subconscious? I thought I had a good self-image before but
gained weight back. How can I be certain
I do now? I discover it’s all about the
paradigm. Paradigms are a multitude of
ideas and habits that also reside in the subconscious. If you’re going to permanently change the
weight, you have to change the paradigm of how you see yourself. The key is to realize that how you see
yourself may be an illusion. Here is a
powerful exercise, I’m committed to do for the next 90 days, to permanently
change my subconscious self-image. This
means every day from now, till the one year anniversary of starting this
journey, I will perform the following exercise twice a day to change my
subconscious. I’m committed to changing
it and defy the statistics.
“What
lies before you and what lies behind you are actually tiny matters
compared
to what lies within you.”
Ralph
Waldo Emerson
This exercise will work
for whatever you want in life, not just healthy weight goals. What is it that you want to happen in your
life? Think of what that is. What is your goal? Form the attitude that every obstacle is an
illusion, like the picture of the young and old woman. You can figure out a solution to every
obstacle. The key is how you answer the
question, “Am I willing to do whatever I need to do make it happen?” I am, even if includes doing yet another
exercise for the next 90 days! I’m worth
it.
Paradigm
Push
Feed the Subconscious:
The way to change the
self-image in your subconscious is to feed it daily. Your subconscious will start to believe what
you tell it to. Create the image of
yourself, in your conscious mind, already inside your goal. You are thin and healthy. You are living where you want to live,
earning what you want to earn, going where you want to go, and doing what you
want to do. You are achieving what you
want to achieve. Visualize yourself exactly
where you want to be. See it, feel it,
hear it, taste it, and experience it. The
way to change your subconscious is to firmly plant this vision from your
conscious mind into your subconscious mind every day for 90 days. This will be the driving mechanism to change
the self-image in your subconscious. Visualize
yourself first thing in the morning when you wake up and every night right before
sleep. Clear your mind and see yourself
where you want to be, living the life you want.
See yourself where you
want to be. What changes do you need to
make to be the person you see? You will automatically
start to make those changes to become that person and this will further instill,
in the subconscious mind, that you are that person. Every time we do this visualization we are
pressing the new image upon the old self-image.
Every time we do that, the new image becomes stronger and the old image
becomes weaker. Ultimately, the new
image replaces the old self-image in your subconscious and the whole world can
see you created a better world for yourself.
Volume Control:
Pay attention to your
thoughts. Every day consciously think of
one thing you’re proud of about yourself.
Every single time you have a positive thought turn up the volume on that
thought. Literally see yourself, in your
mind’s eye, turn up the volume knob on that thought. Every time I come up with what I like, ten thoughts
will show up that I’m critical of. Every time you have a negative thought about
yourself, hit the delete button.
Visually see yourself hitting that delete button. Turning up the volume on positive thoughts and
deleting the negative will also push the positive image into the subconscious.
Thank you:
Learn how to accept
compliments. How often does someone pay
you a compliment and you say, “Thanks, but…” and proceed to negate the reasons
why you don’t deserve their compliment?
The last exercise is to learn how to accept a compliment. Someone says, “I love your dress.” You reply, “This old thing?” Start the practice of simply saying, “Thank
you.” This sends the message to your
subconscious to accept the compliment that is bestowed upon you. I had to work on this, especially after
dropping weight. People will pay me
compliments and I found myself doing the “Thanks, but…” I made the conscious effort to simply say,
“Thank you,” and allow the compliment to sink in. Accepting the compliment, with a simple thank
you reply, will allow that positive affirmation to also sink into the
subconscious and further improve your self-image.
Playing
Large
Nelson Mandela said, “There
is no passion to be found playing small - In settling for a life that is less
than the one you are capable of living.”
Marianne Williamson wrote, “Your playing small does not serve the
world. There is nothing enlightened
about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children
do. It is not just in some of us; it is
in everyone, and as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give others
permission to do the same. As we are
liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Remind yourself that
“Energy flows where attention goes,” and be the guardian of your mind. Daily habits of positive visualization will
feed your subconscious and become a powerful tool to change your life. Don’t wait for confidence, self-esteem and
inner-peace to appear before you start living the life you want. These things appear because you take
action. Robert Kiyosaki said, “It’s not
what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper
to yourself that has the most power!”
It’s taking me time to
learn to stop playing small. I’m
committed to 90 days of subconscious self-image repair because I want to live
the dream God has in store for me! I
have dreams and I want to live them out.
One thing I know for sure is that God’s dream for you is so much bigger
than you can ever imagine for yourself! This
is true in so many areas of my life. God’s
plans for my future are far greater than my fears. Ephesians 3:20 says, “God can do anything, you
know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest
dreams!”
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