Get out of the Saltshaker!

January 27, 2018

Get out of the Saltshaker!

It’s June 22, 1992. I stare out of a hospital room window. How did I end up here? I’m 26 years old and here I sit inside a Christian therapy clinic somewhere in southern California. I voluntarily checked myself into this joint. It’s the real deal; insurance is paying for me to be here. It’s an actual in-patient therapy hospital and I’m in it. Exactly one week before this day I was lying in my bed, in my tiny micro-sized Ohio apartment, crying out to God. “Right now I don’t even know if you’re really real, but in case you are, I need help. I’ve pretty much messed everything up in my life and I want you to come into my life and help me fix it. I can’t go on this way.” I was desperate and I let God know. Now here I sit on the edge of a bed, thousands of miles away, not really sure how it all happened. But that’s how God rolls.

This was the morning of my life. I took many wrong turns down the hiking trail of life to end up at this moment, in this place, on this bed. I stumbled over the same log blocking my path but kept going down the same trail, stumbling over the same log, making the same mistakes, time and time again. I remember that moment, sitting there with my roommate. She tells me that it’s all going to be okay. She tells me, “When you realize the power you already have inside of you from the Holy Spirit, there’ll be no stopping you. You need to find a way to tap into that power.” The words she spoke stuck with me all these years. We still are special friends, 26 years later. It’s taken me a long time to truly understand what she was talking about and what that really meant, but she was right. That’s how God rolls.

I’m exactly double the age I was on that southern California summer day and a whole lot wiser. I feel I’m now in the afternoon of my life. Mid-life means mid-day. I’ve been down that same hiking trail so many times that I am able to spot the log from miles away and easily navigate around it. I realize I’m now hiking down a whole new trail; I’m walking down a brand new path. That Christian therapy clinic is sadly no longer in business but it completely changed my life and I know it was God who orchestrated it all. These life experiences taught me resilience and gave me grit. I learned how important it is to listen to that inner wisdom to create a life that is radiantly mine, despite what happens. On September 19, 1907 Sigmund Freud wrote a letter to Carl Jung. It said, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” That’s how God rolls.

The late Wayne Dyer was once asked how a person knows they’ve entered into the afternoon of their life. Wayne replied, “Carl Jung writes that the afternoon of our lives represents the time when we begin to shift away from the ego being the dominant force in our life. We begin moving towards a life journey that has meaning. The morning of our lives is really occupied by ambition, getting as much as you can, collecting as much stuff as you can get, impressing as many people as you can, preparing yourself for a job, saving your money, setting goals, pleasing everybody, and doing the right thing. Even getting good grades in school revolved around the ego part of us, which really believes that who we are is what we do, what we get, and what other people think of us. That’s basically the essence of the ego. In the afternoon of your life, you don’t do life. You do what resonates with the callings of your soul.”

Wayne says that the word ego means “edging God out”. The key is letting go of the ego to find meaning and purpose in life. I don’t care what other people think, especially like I did when I was 26. I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had to ask for emotional help and spent time in that hospital. Growing older means we are wiser. One thing I know for sure is asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Letting go of the ego means you also have to let go of your story, no longer allowing the past to define you. Blazing a new trail means leaving behind ordinary. Ordinary is when you want to become average to fit in. To become extraordinary you need to consult the invisible place inside yourself called your soul. The question I seek to answer is how do we tap into the callings of our soul? How do we find our purpose? I so want to leave ordinary behind.

I truly believe that wherever we are in life is part of the journey, it’s the vehicle that will bring us into that thing we were created to do. Our struggles drive the car to take us there. Every circumstance that we’ve been through is preparation for what’s going to happen in our life. We need to use our hard earned wisdom to shape our future. The challenge is not to conform into what others want us to be but to stay focused on who we know God has called us to be.

We need to focus on our own inner voice instead of the voices of others. Hearing that inner voice is a challenge but it’s time we sit in silence and listen to our heart. That’s where we will hear whether or not the life we lead suits us. This is the only way to celebrate our own personal identity and find out what our purpose is. It’s not outside of ourselves. The answers to our destiny, and to the meaning in life, is already housed within our heart. We have to quiet the mind long enough to hear it speak to us. The answers we hear will likely cause us to have to get out of our comfort zone. TD Jakes said, “If we are called to be the salt of the earth, we have to get out of the saltshaker.” Listen to your Soul, it’s trying to talk to you.

Soul Talk

Pay attention to your dreams. Our Soul talks to us through dreams that hold messages if we pay attention. Tell yourself you want to remember your dreams. Invite your Angels to help use dreams to communicate with you.

Our Soul may use signs with numbers or words that hold significant meaning to us to get our attention and communicate with us. My Angels know that the number 444 is significant to me and I receive signs of 444 often.

There’s no such thing as coincidence, those moments are the wondrous times of synchronicity when the inner and outer worlds align to create magical moments. Everything happens for a reason. Often we dismiss things as a simple coincidence and miss out on what is really happening.

Trust your gut. The Soul will guide you with your intuition. You need to trust those feelings. Pray about it, if you have doubt, but trust that the feeling was placed there for a reason.

Our Soul speaks to us when we are quiet and in prayer or meditating. God will find a way for what works for you to communicate if you take the time to listen.

Pay attention to the little things because often the signs are subtle but they are there. Keep an open mind and an open heart to allow God to allow your Soul to speak to you.

Upon returning home, after the life changing nut house stint in southern California, I receive a cancer diagnosis. Although it’s in the early stages of cervical cancer, I’m terrified. It was caught in time only because I went to that place in California. I know this to be true. After months of bi-weekly visits to the Doctor for treatment, I’m told I am cancer free. The Doctor advises that I need to see him twice a year for a few years to be certain I am healed. I do continue to see him but I already know I’m healed. I received a sign.

I’m driving home upon receiving the Doctor’s good news. Cornfields surround the intersection in all directions at the off-ramp of the freeway leading home. The window is down, warm air blowing and Christian music plays on a cassette tape. (This was 26 years ago, after all.) A medley plays and the words “I am the God that healeth thee” dances through the air. The exact moment I come to a complete stop, the words ring through the stereo of a “flock of birds flying through the air.” Right at that exact precise moment hundreds of birds take flight simultaneously in the field right in front of me. Over a hundred birds literally take flight in perfect timing to the words. It was beautiful; it was the largest flock of birds ever. The birds sang as loud as the music and it took my breath away. This is a sign. I am healed.

It takes courage and strength to face what our Soul is asking us to do. Can you hear it? Your soul is talking to you. Does life seem to keep pushing you in a direction you haven’t wanted to follow? Do people keep telling you that you would be great at pursuing something that scares you? Do you have a passion but it scares you? Following the direction your Soul is pulling you is what gives life meaning and depth. It’s the journey to living an authentic life. That’s how God rolls.