The Talk

We are living in a mask wearing, disease ridden, fire starting, people killing, hurricane storming, and political battlefield world right now.  It doesn’t come as a surprise to hear more stories, with each passing week, of someone committing suicide.  The latest data available from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that the most recent suicide numbers show the highest rates since 1941. 

Earlier this month that someone was someone close to me.  He wasn’t just a number; he wasn’t just another statistic.  He was someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s father, someone’s special someone.  He was someone’s cousin.  He was my cousin. 

Shane was a handsome young man with a warm smile that lit up a room.  He was an incredible football player in high school but tragedy struck him at a very young age.  He was the driver in a horrible accident.  The passenger, his best friend, didn’t make it.  Shane’s life was never the same after that.  How could it be?  Shane struggled with depression for years, along with a host of issues that plague you when you fall into deep blackness and are unable to break free from the bondage pulling you back.  Sadly, at the young age of just 35, he couldn’t outrun the demons chasing him for so many years.   

Perhaps the weight of the world became too much.  Perhaps he felt like he was the problem.  Perhaps he was unable to see the love from the world around him.  Perhaps, we’ll never truly know the depth of a pain so unbearable it causes you to truly feel this is the only way out. 

Shane and I were close and I feel I let him down.  A few months ago, he messaged me wanting to ask me questions about God.  I tried to call him a few times and messaged him, never hearing back.  But I never followed up with him after that.  I failed him. Why didn’t I try just one more time?  Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference, but maybe it would have. Maybe I could have said something little giving him a droplet of hope.  Sometimes just a drop can cause a ripple effect that can change things and alter your path in the slightest way.  Perhaps, but I’ll never know.

Thoughts of shame and regret continue to haunt me, often in the middle of the night.  I lay awake with the mind-filled racing thoughts of “what if” and “if only.”  I know I’ll never get the opportunity to have that talk with Shane but perhaps there’s someone who will read these words, who feels swallowed by the same deep darkness, and they don’t see a way out.  Perhaps that someone is questioning life and the value of their own. Maybe that someone is questioning their own place in this world and are ultimately questioning God, like Shane.  I may have missed the chance with Shane but there’s still the opportunity to share what I would have said on this platform in hopes someone who needs to hear this may find that droplet of life-giving hope. 

The truth of the matter is you don’t have to be a Bible quoting church going scholar in order to know God.  You don’t even have to know how to pray to talk to God.  Maybe you’ve never stepped foot into a church in your entire life and maybe you’ve never even prayed before.  That’s okay.  I went to church every week during my childhood and when I reached adulthood, I realized I didn’t really know God or have a true relationship with him.  It wasn’t until I hit my rock bottom that I cried out to Him for help.  The beginning of that prayer was, “So, God, I’m not even sure you’re up there but if you are, I need you.  I need help.  I can’t do it down here anymore.  I’ve made a complete mess of my life and I’m not sure if I can keep going.  I need you.  If you’re real, please come help me.”  That’s all it took and it was as simple as that.

The Bible is full of beautiful promises and the more I learn about it the more I realize the power it holds.  I promise you, if you call upon the name of Jesus, and ask him to help, your life will never be the same.  Jesus, the son of God, died on the cross for you.  John 1:29 says, “The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, ‘Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!’”  Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 8:12 says, “Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world.  Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” 

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 17:20, Jesus said, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’, and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you.” You have no idea the strength and power you have when you realize the power of the holy spirit you have within you because of Jesus. 

All it takes if for you to pray these words, “Dear Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness.  I believe You died for my sins and rose from the dead.  I turn from my sins and invite You to come into my heart and life.  I want to trust and follow You as my Lord and Savior.”

Shane, I pray for you and I send you my love.  I promise I will always remember you and you will forever hold a special place in my heart.  I am so sorry we never got the chance to talk.  I’m sorry you were in such pain and felt so alone.  I have faith you are now out of the darkness and in the light.  I pray that perhaps your story, and the talk we never were able to have, will somehow help that one person right now who needs to hear this.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

People who are facing a suicidal crisis or emotional distress can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255. More than 100 local crisis centers are a part of a national network working on this lifeline and are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.