My Wonderfully Imperfect World

 

Suspicious abnormality, biopsy, surgery, pathology, and partial mastectomy are words I never thought I’d hear.  After all was said and done, I also heard the coveted words, “No cancer.” The overwhelming relief following the blessed news is something I shall never forget.  This year was already memorable enough, but now there’s yet another experience that shall remind me of the roller coaster ride known as 2020.  

I like to think of myself as a strong woman of faith but there were many times, I was truly afraid.  I tried hard to hide it, especially from Dan, because I know he was a lot more frightened then he led on.  One-night Dan was saying our evening dinner prayer, which now included something about my health.  On this particular night Dan prayed for God to give us the strength to handle whatever the outcome may be.  I was reminded of a sermon Pastor Jonathan once shared.  He said that the Bible doesn’t actually say God will never give you more than you can handle, but you will never have to handle it alone.  God will give you what you need.  

During a multitude of doctor’s appointments, procedures, tests and pre-op blood screenings they discovered I was severely anemic.  That would explain my constant state of total exhaustion.  I didn’t think it was normal for a 54-year-old to need eleven hours of sleep yet never feel rested, but I’ve never been this age before. I heard old age was rough. Now there was a reason.  I was sent for iron IV infusion treatments before they could clear me for surgery.

It is so very true that God gives you what you need, just when you need it.  This happened for me during my last IV treatment.  The treatments were at the hospital where they also do chemo therapy.  There’s a nurse’s station nestled in the center of a large circle of chairs and IV stands.  On this day every chair was full of cancer patients receiving their chemo.  Feeling a bit uneasy, since my surgery was only a few days away, I made my way to the only empty chair.  “Would this be me someday soon?”, I wondered as I looked around the room.  My heart was breaking for them. 

The man bundled up under blankets next to me was sleeping as I sat down and got situated.  He briefly opened his eyes as the nurse came up to me.  Looking into his blue eyes he reminded me so much of my Dad towards the end of his cancer struggle.  When he closed his eyes and fell back to sleep, I couldn’t help but notice how his skin was the same pale color as Dad’s too.  I quickly recalled the many stories Dad would share of the great friends he made at his chemo treatments and the sad stories of how many of them wouldn’t make it to their next treatment.  Again, I thought, “Would this be me someday?”

The stark memories of my Dad caused a lump to grow in my throat.  I sank down in my chair as the treatment began wanting to hide my face.  All of these people had it so much worse than me right now and I needed to be strong.  They play music in this room and I started to hear Louis Armstrong sing, “What a Wonderful World.”  I instantly knew this was a sign from my Dad.  This is the song from the very last time I danced with him at my nephew’s wedding.  He sang this to me as we danced that night.  I softly sang this same song into my Dad’s ear the night he died.  I’ve always felt like it was our song.  Now, in this moment, this is the song I hear.  God was giving me just what I need.  I am not alone.

I closed my eyes to prevent the memory from rolling down my cheek.  When the song is over, I open my eyes and right in front of me, on the side of the nurse’s station hangs a sign.  I didn’t see it until now but it was straight in front of my chair.  The sign simply said, “Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.” 

My favorite memory of 2020 will always be hearing those cancer free words over the phone the day after surgery.  Later that same evening before dinner Dan and I were praying.  Each evening we take turns saying our dinner prayer.  This particular evening it was my turn.  We held hands and I began to pray but no words could come out.  I started to sob.  All I could say was, “Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Amen.”

 

"What A Wonderful World"

I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

I see skies of blue
And clouds of white
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people going by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying
"I love you"

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than I'll never know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Oh yeah