Suck it up buttercup!
Going public with my goal, and more importantly my struggle, was extremely liberating and scary as hell. I personally want to say a heart felt thank you for each and every one of you who reached out on Facebook and on the blog to show your love & support. There are many of you who decided to walk this journey with me and for that I will be forever grateful. I pray for each of you every single day; that we all find the answers and what we need to make this happen which I'm sure is different for each of us. I don't know why I was so scared. I guess because it's one of those things we just don't talk about, the numbers... "how old are you" and God forbid, "how much do you weigh."
There is something extremely encouraging in sticking with a plan when you know people know what you've claimed to do. They are watching and waiting to see what happens. How was this week? It was hard but it was good. There were times I wanted to eat but didn't. Every single time it was because of this blog, every-single-time! One day I promised myself to do 30 minutes on the elliptical and I actually did 45. Another day I cranked it up one more point to 11 instead of 10. I know that not all days are like these, not even close.
Wednesday was one of those days! Heading to my workout on Wednesday, after the long weekend, I wasn't feeling the energy like earlier in the week coming off the high from the blog launch and the love fest. It was hot and I was tired. It was the "grumpy-everything hurts" kind of tired. I walked into the locker room at the gym and saw myself in the mirror. Looking into my eyes I started to feel a twinge of fear because I felt like the Facebook world is watching and started to panic thinking, "What have you done? What the heck were you thinking?" I took a deep breath and said to myself, "Suck it up, Buttercup. You got this!" Suddenly a song popped into my mind, and I started to hear "Anyway" by Martina McBride. I told myself that I've got to do it anyway, I just have to... So I did. Right before I was done I received a text from a good friend who told me that reading my blog made her think twice before reaching for the M&Ms after lunch and she chose to pass. God has a way of giving you what you need at just the time you need it. I finished strong and kept my promise to myself on this day. It felt good!
Perhaps that is a lesson for me from when I've fallen in the past. I didn't push through and do it anyway, I gave in to the negative thoughts. I allowed the self talk of my mind to win instead of pushing through knowing something greater was waiting for me on the other side. It does feel good when you are done working out (clearly) but the good feeling for me comes from keeping that promise to myself. The more days I have of eating clean and working out I feel better and better about this process. My confidence in winning this battle, right now, feels unstoppable. I just know that there will be days it will not feel like this but today I promise me that I will do it anyway!
"You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in and tomorrow they'll forget your ever sang, sing it anyway; Yeah sing it anyway....
I sing
I dream
I love anyway!"
~ Martina McBride
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