How Do You Like Your Eggs?
There’s a scene from the move Runaway Bride that’s always stuck with me. Ike asks Maggie what kind of eggs she likes. Her response is “Whatever you’re having.” She had no clue how she liked her eggs because she always ate them however the man she was with at the time ate them. He said, “No, what kind of eggs do you like?” They proceeded to try all the different ways one could eat eggs, until she decided for herself that she preferred eggs benedict.
Right now, I glance at a plaque on a shelf next to my desk. It’s by Bernard Shaw that reads, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” I think about my early adulthood struggles with the disease to please. Long ago I changed like a chameleon when it came to relationships. Luckily, I learned before meeting Dan, if I’m not accepted for who I am, that person isn’t worth having in my life. Unfortunately, I thought I was long past the people pleasing problem until last weekend. I received mean negative comments from a few people that bothered me way too much. I thought I really knew myself now, but if that were true, this would not have bothered me in the least! This week the question I ask is how do we get to know ourselves better?
Knowing others is intelligence. Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. ~ Loa Tzu
If you don’t know who you are you risk becoming what other people think you should be. You risk being unable to say, “No thank you” when someone is tempting you with birthday cake. You won’t be able to say, “No more for me,” when everyone is pigging out on pizza. You won’t have the confidence to ask a server to bring you your salad with the dressing on the side. You may be afraid of changing to be what you really want to be for fear of what other’s may think. When you know yourself, you’re empowered to do all those things and so much more.
There’s a fine line between helping others and being a people pleaser. Truly knowing yourself can protect you from sliding down that dangerous slope of losing yourself. Many people suffer from the disease to please because of self-worth issues or they confuse pleasing people with kindness. Signs you may have a people-pleasing-problem may include the following:
· You pretend to agree with everyone, even if you disagree.
· You feel responsible for how others feel.
· You apologize often.
· You can’t say no.
· You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.
· You avoid conflict at all costs.
· You struggle to admit when your feelings are hurt.
Guilty as charged! I’m a lot better at some of these than others, and tons better than I used to be, but it doesn’t take a psychiatrist to diagnose me with a touch of DTP, the “Disease-to-Please.” The problem is people pleasing hides the real you. Let go of who you think you need to be and just be who you are. Here are some a self-discovery questions to help you on your quest to find out. This is an excellent journaling exercise. I never sat down and answered specific questions like these before, but I did this week. If you’re like me, the answers may surprise you.
What do you like?
What don’t you like?
What matters to you?
What are you good at?
What do you admire in others?
What drives you?
What’s your style?
Who are YOU?
The best thing about getting to know the real you is knowing how you really feel about what you’re doing with your life. Part of knowing yourself is feeling content and satisfied with the choices you make. The beauty of life is questioning yourself and reflecting on who you truly are. Your ‘self’ is fluid in many ways. It’s never too late to make changes to be who you really are and do what you really want. You can choose to dream and change. Trust yourself because at the end of the day, all you need is to have faith in you. This process opens yourself up to the wonderful possibility of change. It’s never too late!
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world.” God made you the way you are for a reason. John Spence said, “Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.” Get to know yourself. Learn your own preferences. Let go of who you think you need to be and just be who you actually are. Beth Moore said, “Let your light shine today, and let your personality blossom, too. You don’t have to be a people-pleaser, just a people-lover.”
Every time I feel the need to conform or change based on what someone else may think I simply ask myself, “Sandy, how do you like your eggs?” It reminds me to be boldly me. It reminds me to be authentically me. It reminds me to be unapologetically me! And for the record, I like an omelet with a touch of sharp cheddar cheese, mushrooms. spinach, and tomato.
Results for the week: -1.0 lbs lost; Total
Lost: 41.0
D.O.W. = 461; Starting weight: 182.0;
Current weight: 141.0
(Days on the Wagon = Days
of food sobriety - no sugar pig-outs!)
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