It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you!

Meditation is not for me; I’ve tried but my brain is all over the map like a schizophrenic tour guide of my thoughts.  I decided this week to use the meditation concept of self-awareness to make a solid attempt to become aware of my thoughts and try to truly be in the moment as I sought to find the answer to the begging question, “Why do I want to eat when I’m not hungry?”  

I kept a running daily log of each time I heard the inner cookie monster voice demanding to be fed.  Some days it was more vocal than others but I did notice repetitive patterns and triggers that awoke the blue fuzzy monster within.  The process of doing this log helped me to focus in the moment and it was quite enlightening.  I made three major observations that I feel are life changing for me and this journey!

The following are excerpts from my daily log this week:

• I was tired Sunday night after dinner.  Wanted to eat but didn’t.  I actually, for the first time, thought about it.  Am I really hungry?  Why do I want to eat?  I realized that shortly before wanting to head to the kitchen I was about to doze off on the sofa watching TV with Oliver.  Prior to this blog I would have reached for popcorn, nuts or whatever, and mindlessly snacked while watching TV.  Sundays nights were historically the worst for grazing through the kitchen because, of course, Monday morning is the most perfect day to start over to be perfectly perfect on a new plan.  Instead I went to bed early and slept like a rock!
• Feeling extremely overwhelmed at work on Monday.  Email piling up, project deadlines coming due and having to sit through hours of back-to-back meetings caused me to feel a lot of stress.  All I could think about was wanting to eat something.  Was I hungry?  Not even a little bit!
• Feeling extremely bored at work; not excited about tasks I needed to do.  Instead of just diving in and getting it over with I thought about how I really wanted to get something to eat first.  (This actually happened the same day as feeling overwhelmed?  What is wrong with me?)  Recognizing this caused me to stop procrastinating and just get it over with and the cravings ended.
• I told a little white lie to protect someone’s feelings and the situation developed where I had to come clean.  Instead of just sending the note to resolve it I started to obsess with how good food would be right now.  Again, I recognized what was happening so I buckled down and just wrote the note and felt a whole lot better.  I observed that the feeling of wanting to chow down on something also left.   Coincidence?  (Side note: It all worked out; the person understood so I was all crazy inside for absolutely nothing!)
• Felt hungry, like I really wanted to eat and realized it was because I actually was hungry.  It’s been 4 hours since lunch.  Wow, this is what true hunger feels like? 
• I was so bored in a two hour meeting first thing in the morning.  I just ate breakfast but all I could think about was food.  Clearly I’m not hungry. I made a conscious choice to think about something else like "when will my new shoe order arrive?" or "when will this meeting be over?!"  I did find that intentionally redirecting my thoughts did help get my mind off of food and thinking I needed to eat it. 
• What the?!! I ate a healthy rice bowl at lunch from a Japanese restaurant and I actually feel full.  I feel full.  I’m so used to realizing when I think I feel hungry or actually feel hungry, but never pay attention to when I feel full.  WOA!  What is happening? 
• I thought about yesterday’s idea of redirecting my thoughts to stop the inner cookie monster.  Started to practice the thought of physically changing my environment when the inner urge to eat strikes.  I got up and went for a little walk; went outside for a breath of fresh air. I stood up, stretched, twisted my upper body and swung my arms around.  I looked like a goof ball but it made me feel better.  It seemed that by moving and changing the situation, the feeling I needed to eat would subside.  I actually didn’t eat everything I planned for snacks today because I wasn’t really hungry.  Could it be I’m on to something here? 
• Home from work early on Friday and remembered a letter I forgot to write.  Instead of allowing that to eat away at me all weekend, I fired up the laptop and kicked it out in 30 minutes.  Realized it was a small price to pay to not fight the urge to eat every time I subconsciously thought about it all weekend. 

Major Observations:

1. Do the thing you really don't want to do first.  Procrastinating will only cause that "thing" to eat at you.
2. Stay real always.  Get real in all things; the truth sets you free in big things and the little things.  When you have to have the tough conversation or write the difficult note, just be truthful and honest.  All will be well when you speak from the heart with the right intentions.  
3. Recognize when you are using food to change the way you feel. Get up, get moving, take deep breaths and change your surroundings when you feel bored, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed or just when you’ve had enough.   

This week I tried hard to be aware of my thoughts.  It quickly became crystal clear to me that I truly use food to change the way I feel the same way we reach for a glass of wine, a drug addict uses cocaine or a smoker reaches for a cigarette.  My drug of choice is food.  Moving, breathing and doing something to physically change my immediate environment clearly did change me emotionally.  This puts my body in a positive state and changes the way I feel.  I’m going to continue to explore this because I know I am onto something! 

I plan to continue to use these new tactics into next week as I ask myself the tough question, “If your fat could talk, what would it say?” 

Results for this week:  1.4 lbs lost; Total lost = 8.6