Possibilities

I just bought this book based on the title only - Stay tuned!

Today I’ve been thinking about my mom and about how it’s been 108 days since she’s gone home to be with Jesus. Truth be told, several times I’ve embarrassingly thought, “How can I, at 57 years old, feel like an orphan?”  Isn’t that funny, in a crazy sad sort of way?

Grief is different for everyone. There’s no time limit or proper way to appropriately do it. You think you’re doing fine and the very next moment a cloud of darkness will block the sun. The journey is personal and messy.

It’s as if a bag of heavy rocks is placed around your neck when someone you love dies. This bag of grief is always there, this weight on your shoulders, this pressure on your chest is a constant reminder. The bag never goes away, and it never gets lighter. But as time goes by you become stronger from carrying the weight of these rocks.  

Over time the bag becomes easier to carry. Over time you get so strong that you, for a moment, even forget that it’s there.  That’s what healing grief is like. That’s what it’s felt like for me.

Lately I feel stronger. I feel freer. I feel lighter. Today I realized that I’ve noticed the sun peeking through more than I’ve noticed the clouds. Life is full of heavy times but it’s in those moments of strife that we get stronger. I think it’s the same way powerlifters, like my husband, grow their muscles by putting resistance against them. The same has been true for my heart. I feel like I’m coming back to myself.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I’ve asked myself, “What’s next?” What’s my next goal?  What is my next plan? What’s my next adventure? I don’t have any answers, not yet anyway, but I’m at least asking those questions again. Perhaps for now I’ll just live in the question.  I will hang out in this unknown world of possibilities. There’s still time, there’s still hope.  Anything is still possible.

So, today’s blog post is about having hope for the future and faith that the future is bright. This past week we welcomed a new little baby into our family.  Baby Conner James Staggs is my great nephew, a tiny little miracle boy full of life and possibilities. Oh, how we’ve prayed for him so long ago. The circle of life continues, and I can’t wait to meet him.

No matter what my next ‘thing” is, I want to be able to leave behind a legacy that somehow will be a reminder that I once was here, I had something to say and at the very least I was full of questions. Next week I’ve decided to do a new Pod Cast interview after a very long break. A few months break turned into over a year, but I decided it brings me joy to talk to people who have gone through something and survived.  I want to share these miracle stories so people can hear of what God has done in so many lives.  I have a true miracle story to share, and I can’t wait!

Here's to my second life. Here’s to realizing that it’s not almost over. Life, that’s full of possibilities, is just beginning!