Finding Christmas

Driving home from work this past week I was waiting for a podcast to load onto my phone and experienced technical difficulty.  The impatient delay was frustrating and caused me to flip on the radio, which I seldom do.  The channel was automatically tuned to Christmas music.  Ugh – Christmas music?  I let out a sigh and was just about to push the button for a new station when the song caught my attention.  Faith Hill was belting out the question, “Where are you Christmas?  Why can’t I find you?”  I sat there driving as a tear slid down my cheek in full agreement.  Where are you?  That's a really good question.

This time of year, always makes me think of Dad.  He loved Christmas more than anything.   I couldn’t help but think about many friends, who recently lost family members this past year, and this will be their first Christmas without them.  The first one is always the hardest but I don’t think it ever gets easier. It’s just different.  I know it’s the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes I can’t help but feel a little blue.  This week I went in search of Christmas.   

If you aren’t feeling the Christmas spirit, how do you find it?  I mean really truly find it?  I searched online for advice and laughed at what I found.  “Decorate the tree, watch Christmas movies, listen to Christmas music, and go shopping at a mall,” topped the list.  Ah – no thanks, especially on the shopping mall suggestion!  Are you serious?  Putting up the tree helped a little, but although I’ve partaken in more than my fair share, Hallmark just isn’t cutting it for me this year. 

In my typical “Healing R.A.I.N.” fashion, I decided to create a writing exercise out my situation.  It just seemed like the right thing to do and honestly, I couldn’t think of anything else.  I said a prayer, put pen to paper, and allowed the words to flow.  These are the exact words that appeared. 

Angels – what do you want me to know?

Remember the old times as special pedals on a flower.  Each memory is wonderfully made and you are to cherish them in your heart.  It’s important to realize that God is a God of creation and He is busy creating new and wonderful flowers always.  Don’t miss out on new Christmas flowers that will bloom this year because you are crying over the fallen pedals of the past. 

Fill your heart and mind with these special memories to rekindle the blessings and magic of times gone by.  Memories are what keep the spirit alive.  Memories keep the spirit alive of those we love and memories keep the spirit alive of Christmas.  Christmas is all about Jesus and Jesus is all about love.  Remember the past and you’ll find the spirit of Christmas today.  It’s important to know that the best memories are not behind.  The best Christmas memories are still yet to come.  Have faith in the creation of God for the flowers are in full bloom.

I don’t know how many times I read and re-read these words.  My Angels are right.  I realized I was feeling the best Christmas memories were long gone and I was just going through the motions this year.  My Angels opened my eyes, which opened my mind to flashes of memories, like watching a movie. Visions of four matching little baby dolls and four matching doll houses lining the living room floor, in the little house I grew up in with my three sisters, flooded my heart.  I suddenly remembered all sorts of moments in time with my Grandmas and family.    

Sometimes moments are so pure you know, at that exact time, you’ll remember it forever.  I suddenly recalled such a moment that I hadn’t thought about in years.  I came home to Ohio from Arizona for Christmas for the first time in about two years.  I was separated from my family for a spell and this was the first Christmas together after that time.  Dad and Mom just moved into their new home the previous summer.  It was the first Christmas in this house, nestled on 5 acres with a pond surrounded by pine trees.  Mom decorated every room of the house, even the bathrooms. 

Everyone was home.  The nieces and nephews were just little guys and it started to snow again.  It was those huge silver dollar sized snowflakes where you can see their detailed patterns in the formation.  The pond was completely frozen over with thick ice.  Mom dug out a huge box of old ice skates she collected from garage sales throughout the summer to ensure there would be enough.  I remember laughing watching Dad clear the snow from the ice on the pond wearing his infamous Elmer Fudd hat.  All of us went ice skating that night under the Christmas lights hanging along the white fence surrounding the pond.  Afterwards we sat on the hearth by the fireplace and drank hot chocolate.  

It was that exact moment I knew I would remember this moment for the rest of my life.  I remember so many details of that moment because I was so grateful to be with my family again.  The moment was so special.  I remember sitting there looking all around, soaking in every detail, because it was perfection.  It was family.  It was pure.  It was Love.  It was Christmas. 

I’m so grateful for my Angels for placing this memory on my heart.  My Angels showed me this week the way to find Christmas is to remember the magical past but to also hold on in faith because God is creating even more special memories.  The best is yet to come. 

Driving home from working out this morning I turned the radio on and a Christmas song was playing.  There was no sigh and no changing of channels, in fact – I sang along.

Results for the week: -1.0 lbs lost; Total Lost: 40.0

D.O.W. = 531; Starting weight: 182.0; Current weight: 142.0

(Days on the Wagon = Days of food sobriety - no sugar pig-outs!)