I have been waiting my whole life for this.
Many of you may already know my
maiden name is Musser and I have three sisters. We are extremely close in age;
I’m the 2nd oldest and the 2nd from the left. Growing up one of the four “Musser
Girls” meant you could be certain of two things. You always got your turn at
winning the Miss America title in our backyard beauty pageants wearing Mom’s
old dresses and you would always have a best friend around when you needed her.
We had two sets of bunk beds in one little room for a great portion of my
childhood and we loved it. I’m sure we had our moments, as my Mom could attest
to, but we were always there for each other. I’m not sure why we were so
paranoid of home break-ins. Every night we strategically placed hairspray and hair
brush weaponry with a carefully choreographed plan of attack to protect our pack should anyone
break into our bedroom. My sisters were, and still are, my best friends.
These precious childhood memories were placed on my heart this week reminding me of the importance of relationships in life. This weight loss journey to recovery makes me realize that the relationship we have with ourselves is probably the most important. Diane Von Furstenberg said, “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.” Sometimes, the most important thing you’ll need to know is how to be your own best friend. The question I seek to answer this week is just that. What does it really mean to be your own best friend? How do you actually do that? When you become your own best friend, life is easier but what does this really mean? When you look at what it means to be best friends, it helps to see how we can build stronger more loving relationships with ourselves and build our own self-esteem.
These precious childhood memories were placed on my heart this week reminding me of the importance of relationships in life. This weight loss journey to recovery makes me realize that the relationship we have with ourselves is probably the most important. Diane Von Furstenberg said, “The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself, because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.” Sometimes, the most important thing you’ll need to know is how to be your own best friend. The question I seek to answer this week is just that. What does it really mean to be your own best friend? How do you actually do that? When you become your own best friend, life is easier but what does this really mean? When you look at what it means to be best friends, it helps to see how we can build stronger more loving relationships with ourselves and build our own self-esteem.
How to be your own BFF
Best Friends – Make good decisions
If you are your own best friend you treat yourself like you would a best friend. When you think of another person's problems you make better decisions for them than for your own. You’re less emotional which helps you make better decisions. Think of yourself as your own best friend. As Sandy’s best friend, what do I think she needs the most? Some days I think I should tell Sandy to stop making excuses and get to the gym! You are in a position to give objective advice. This also gives you the power of objectivity to make great decisions. We’re better at making objective decisions for someone else. This keeps emotions out of it. What would someone you admire do? This thinking helps to distance you from your emotions. You need to do what’s best for you.
Best Friends – Love Unconditionally
Many people I know find it easier to forgive others than to forgive themselves. As we get older we have our share of emotional scars. In order to be your own best friend, we need to learn to love ourselves unconditionally. C.S. Lewis says, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” Only forgiveness can give us the strength to right our wrongs and move on with our lives able to love ourselves.
Best Friends – Are Brutally Honest
Best friends are honest with us when no one else can be. Question yourself like you would your friend and be honest. Don’t be the kind of friend who sugarcoats the truth. Force yourself to be the best person that you can be. If you knew your BFF gets depressed after she eats an entire sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints then stop yourself before it’s too late!
Best Friends – Know Each Other Well
Best friends are able to predict each other’s moods because they know each other so well. You can do the same as your own best friend. The more you invest in getting to know yourself, the better you will be able to deal with anything that life throws your way. The better you can predict mood triggers the more effectively you can stop the emotional eating before it spirals into a path of destruction! I learn so much about myself each week through this blogging process because I'm truly examining what's happening on the inside. I'm more in touch with my feelings since I'm actually feeling them and not numbing them with a sugar induced coma.
Best Friends – Bring Out the Best in Each Other
A best friend believes in you, even if no one else does. Best friends are good for each other. They know just how far they can push each other. They have an intuitive sense of each other’s potential. If you want to be your own best friend, learn to recognize the potential in yourself and don’t let yourself off the hook. Be your own cheerleader, coach and biggest fan. Learning to be my own cheerleader is the only way I've stayed on plan all of these days. Yes, there is a support system around me, but at the end of the day I need to realize I can trust myself and count on me.
Best Friends – Mind their Words
Sometimes we are our own worst critic. You talk to yourself in ways you’d never talk to your loved ones, especially your best friend. You'll tell your niece how smart she is, your husband how amazing he is, and your sister how strong she is. Inside it’s a different story. You may beat yourself up with constant criticism of how you failed your diet, didn’t work out like you planned or screwed something up. Whatever story you’ve been telling yourself, it’s time to re-examine the way in which you talk to yourself. If you want to be your own best friend it’s time to start treating yourself the way you’d treat your closest confidant with love and compassion.
If you are your own best friend you treat yourself like you would a best friend. When you think of another person's problems you make better decisions for them than for your own. You’re less emotional which helps you make better decisions. Think of yourself as your own best friend. As Sandy’s best friend, what do I think she needs the most? Some days I think I should tell Sandy to stop making excuses and get to the gym! You are in a position to give objective advice. This also gives you the power of objectivity to make great decisions. We’re better at making objective decisions for someone else. This keeps emotions out of it. What would someone you admire do? This thinking helps to distance you from your emotions. You need to do what’s best for you.
Best Friends – Love Unconditionally
Many people I know find it easier to forgive others than to forgive themselves. As we get older we have our share of emotional scars. In order to be your own best friend, we need to learn to love ourselves unconditionally. C.S. Lewis says, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” Only forgiveness can give us the strength to right our wrongs and move on with our lives able to love ourselves.
Best Friends – Are Brutally Honest
Best friends are honest with us when no one else can be. Question yourself like you would your friend and be honest. Don’t be the kind of friend who sugarcoats the truth. Force yourself to be the best person that you can be. If you knew your BFF gets depressed after she eats an entire sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints then stop yourself before it’s too late!
Best Friends – Know Each Other Well
Best friends are able to predict each other’s moods because they know each other so well. You can do the same as your own best friend. The more you invest in getting to know yourself, the better you will be able to deal with anything that life throws your way. The better you can predict mood triggers the more effectively you can stop the emotional eating before it spirals into a path of destruction! I learn so much about myself each week through this blogging process because I'm truly examining what's happening on the inside. I'm more in touch with my feelings since I'm actually feeling them and not numbing them with a sugar induced coma.
Best Friends – Bring Out the Best in Each Other
A best friend believes in you, even if no one else does. Best friends are good for each other. They know just how far they can push each other. They have an intuitive sense of each other’s potential. If you want to be your own best friend, learn to recognize the potential in yourself and don’t let yourself off the hook. Be your own cheerleader, coach and biggest fan. Learning to be my own cheerleader is the only way I've stayed on plan all of these days. Yes, there is a support system around me, but at the end of the day I need to realize I can trust myself and count on me.
Best Friends – Mind their Words
Sometimes we are our own worst critic. You talk to yourself in ways you’d never talk to your loved ones, especially your best friend. You'll tell your niece how smart she is, your husband how amazing he is, and your sister how strong she is. Inside it’s a different story. You may beat yourself up with constant criticism of how you failed your diet, didn’t work out like you planned or screwed something up. Whatever story you’ve been telling yourself, it’s time to re-examine the way in which you talk to yourself. If you want to be your own best friend it’s time to start treating yourself the way you’d treat your closest confidant with love and compassion.
A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17
Think about a time when you could have handled something in your life
differently. Perhaps you botched a work presentation, missed someone's birthday or forgot an important commitment. Perhaps you launched a weight loss blog and failed to lose any weight on a given week. Whatever it was, take a moment to be
honest with yourself about how harsh the words were that you spoke to yourself
afterwards. Now, flip the script. Imagine your best friend just told you that they
made this mistake and, in response, you directed at her the same exact words
you had used on yourself. What would her reaction be? Would she still be your
friend? If your answer is no, then you have some work to do. My answer to this exercise is extremely different from before I started this journey to now, especially as I think about potential situations of not losing weight in any given week. I am prepared to respond with love to myself. I never could have said that before.
Treating yourself exactly as you would your closest childhood pal is how to be your own best friend. How you treat yourself, the most important person in your life, is where everything starts and ends. You’d use words of respect, consideration and admiration. You’d encourage her to follow her passions. You’d tell her to put herself first. Louise Hay says it best, “The one person I am with forever is me. My relationship with myself is eternal, so I choose to be my own best friend. I choose to love and accept myself and talk to myself as I would to a beloved person in my life. I saturate all the cells in my body with love, and they become vibrantly healthy. I relate with love to all of life.”
This entire journey has changed me. It’s changing my body on the outside but the biggest changes are on the inside. I’m kinder and gentler with myself. I look at that sweet girl, striking a pose in her new summer bikini, and part of me feels sad. I remember her, at that young tender age, feeling extremely self-conscious in that swimsuit and clearly I look freaking adorable! I wish I knew then what I know now. Mayo Angelou says, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” It has taken me over 40 years to know better but at least I got here. I feel like that little blonde Miss America bikini wearing pageant winner is saying she has waited her whole life for this.
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