If your fat could talk, what would it say?
This blog has
been an incredible and interesting journey taking me to corners of my mind and
heart uncovering things I never realized before. It has also caused me to stay committed to my
goal and committed to facing the truth by keeping it real. This week was no exception. I decided to figure out what my fat would say
if it could talk to me. I wasn’t sure I
really wanted to know what it had to say but in the spirit of my blog, and
getting real, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I asked my arch enemy, my fat, what it had to
say if it could talk to me. Surprisingly,
it had quite a bit to say and the next words flowed into my heart so quickly
and easily. I think it was divine
intervention of wanting me to see this.
I had never thought about these things before but it sure gives me
something to think about now! It also
gives me hope. Here’s what my fat had to
say, perhaps in a southern accent since we do live in South Carolina now.
~What my fat had to say~
“Girl, why do
you hate me so much? You created me to
keep you safe but I don’t do any of those things. I just hang on preventing you from fitting
into your clothes. Sorry about that by
the way. The problem is that I’ve been
making you miserable and your misery is making me grow. See the problem? Focus on happiness, not fat loss and I’ll go
away on my own. I don’t mean to make you
miserable but the truth is, I’m not the problem. I’m a symptom to a problem.
Why can’t we just
get along? I don’t want to fight you. If we could just call a truce in this weight
loss battle, you will see that I’ll leave you alone. I can’t survive in a happy place of
peace. Focus on the solution, not the
problem. You think I’m the problem but
you are wrong. The more you focus on me
the more I have to hang around.
Don’t you
know that I don’t have feelings? You are
eating and creating me to numb yours but it’s not working. Once you allow yourself to feel your feelings
you won’t have to keep trying to depend on me.
Most of all, don’t confuse your feelings towards me with how you feel
about you. I’m just a symptom to a
problem honey. The deal is, sweet
sister, once you find inner peace and set me free, I’ll go. I can’t survive in a place of love. Keep shining a light in every corner of your
heart and there will be no more darkness.”
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
Now this conversation
occurred on Saturday afternoon. Dan and
I go to church Saturday evenings so that night I prayed about this journey, I
prayed for all of the people who read my blog and specifically for those taking
this journey with me. Sunday mornings I
often take little Oliver to the beach. That’s
what I did on this day. The events that
occurred next will forever change me and will stay with me for the rest of my
life!
We strolled
along the beach for about an hour. The
gentle waves washing over my bare feet in the sand is so relaxing and
peaceful. I was thinking about this
whole journey over the past month and especially about the comments my fat had
to say the day before. Oliver stopped
walking so we were just standing there looking out into the water. I suddenly felt this overwhelming need to
pray. I closed my eyes and thanked God
for bringing me on this journey. I then
asked God to forgive me for being at war with my fat all these years. I asked Him to forgive me for hating my fat
and having such negative thoughts about my body because of it. I promised to never speak ill of my thighs or
butt ever again. I made a vow that from
this day forward I will love the fat off instead of being at war with it. I could feel tears streaming down my face and
as I opened my eyes I saw a rainbow in the sky.
It was absolutely beautiful. A rainbow!
Suddenly I could feel raindrops falling on my cheeks, a sprinkling of
rain causing the rainbow. I started to
cry harder, happy tears, because the name of my blog is “The Healing is in the
Rain.” I looked up and felt the rain mix
with my tears knowing this was all of God’s doing. You can't make this stuff up! It was incredible! Then it started to rain harder, the sprinkles
turned into a huge downpour and we just stood there. One month ago, when God
placed it in my heart to get real and put myself out there with a blog, I knew
the name of the blog immediately. One
month into the journey leads me to these questions, these discoveries, this day
and it rains. Healing rain falling down
on me!
Oliver and I
both were drenched walking back to the car. I actually looked like I swam in
the ocean with my clothes on. I will
never forget this day; I will never be the same.
This week I felt different. I felt lighter on the inside; I felt at peace. One day, after working out, I glanced at the mirror when getting out of the shower. Usually I would have thoughts like, "Ugh... look at my _____." (Fill in the blank with any option between my shoulders and knees.) But this time I didn't feel anything negative at all. I just thought about how great the shower felt and how tired I was from working out. That's progress! I am at peace. I am at peace with my fat but I will not miss it when it's gone. It will have served it's purpose and we shall peacefully part ways.
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